It’s Not So Hip to be Square

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Author: Dylan Bos-Dowlen

Squaresville: the title implies a store full of eclectic objects for socially awkward people, but instead it houses a group of dumpster divers who overprice their clothing so much that only the most credulous hipster would even think about buying the vast majority of their ripped and stained clothing.

Squaresville is a secondhand vintage store whose owners pick out the clothing they think people will like, almost like a selective Goodwill. Genius! Needless to say, my expectations before coming to this store were soaring, which is never a good idea because more often than not you end up disappointed.

Before walking in, the neighborhood perpetuates these expectations with its pleasant store fronts and appealing atmosphere. However, one step in the store and one can sense the tension coming from the smug looks on the hipster salesclerks. Negative Nancy in one corner is complemented by Debbie Downer behind the counter: both refuse to even look up for a customer.

The clothing selection looked promising at first: maybe some cheap deals and definitely some good laughs. There were some good Vanilla Ice and Rolling Stone t-shirts, accompanied by the usual plaid shirts. There was an orange I-just-got-of-jail jumpsuit, and a Hugh Hefner jacket that was in dire need of a cigar. However, all of the fun in finding these items was immediately stolen away by the outrageous prices. For example, there was a shirt printed with the beginning of a Buddhist prayer with holes in it for $22 – completely overpriced for a shirt I might not even buy at Goodwill for $3. It’s hard to enjoy oneself at Squaresville knowing that every time that you look at the green tags hanging from the armpit, the numbers will be three times higher than you know they should be.

The rest of the district only punctuates what Squaresville is lacking. The area around Vermont Avenue is very walkable, with open-air restaurants and local clothing stores playing upbeat songs. Walk down a ways and there is the Half-Off Store that has a variety of good clothing for reasonable deals. There were name brand t-shirts like Zoo York for $10.

Beware of the plentiful amount of hipster shops along the way. They will suck in the shoppers who don’t protect their wallets for a $42 t-shirt. Comparing and contrasting Squaresville to the area elucidates just how short Squaresville comes up. The area, albeit expensive, does hold allure to keep shoppers coming back for its trendy clothing. There are even delicious restaurants, such as Fred 62, which offers delicious food and is open 24/7.

Squaresville does follow through on the secondhand vintage style store but the exorbitant prices dash your hopes of bargain shopping away. You are left to walk out empty-handed, saddened by all the lost potential. Keep searching for that heaven-like, reasonable secondhand vintage store where every piece of clothing calls out your name, because Squaresville just doesn’t cut it.

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