A little over a year ago, I got my acceptance letter to Oxy. Throughout high school, I imagined what college would be like. I wondered who I would become and if college would really be the best years of my life, like I heard so many people say. Now, almost a year later after receiving my college decisions, I can say that my first year did not pan out the way I expected it to. I’m still practicing the lessons I’ve learned this year every day, but I’ve already experienced one of the most growth-filled periods of my life since coming to college.
My advice to you, whether you are a first-year or just grappling with the uncertainty of a new phase in your life, is to consider incorporating these lessons into your routine. Additionally, take it one step at a time and invest in things that will make you happy. Before you know it, a year will have gone by, and maybe, you’ll end up learning a new thing or two about yourself. These are the top five lessons I learned in my first year of college.
Lesson 1: Be patient
My first week at Oxy felt like the longest week of my life. I was homesick, lonely and unfamiliar with the campus I found myself on. It seemed like everyone except me was making friends left and right, and I couldn’t help but long for the connections that I saw forming. I wanted so badly to just skip to the part of college where I was adjusted, found my people and became comfortable being here.
I felt like I didn’t have any true friends my whole first semester, while it seemed like everyone already made all the friends they could ever need. As the semester progressed, my mom reminded me of the best friends that I made in high school and middle school. Each friend was a slow-burn type of friend — we didn’t become close immediately or trust each other right off the bat. Instead, we took the time to get to know each other and build a strong foundation for our friendship. I didn’t become close with my college friends until months after I met them. When I got back to campus for the Spring semester, my path to friendships followed a similar pattern. I met more people slowly and the classmates who I only saw during a 55-minute class period slowly became the people I ate breakfast with and went off campus with.
I look back at my first-semester self and remember having to tell myself to be patient so often that I sounded like a broken record. Through practicing patience, I realized that I would rather have a few good, close friends rather than a swarm of friends that I don’t connect with. Some of the best things can come from a slow burn, and if I am patient, something good can always come of it.
Lesson 2: Don’t be afraid to ask for help
It was the Saturday of the first week of classes. I stood in the board game section of Target, anxiously debating whether to call my aunt.
I ended up opening my phone, calling her and saying, “This is really hard. Can you come pick me up?”
My aunt lives an hour and a half away from campus, so I could technically see her whenever I wanted. But I almost didn’t call her that day. I was embarrassed to admit that I needed her, that I already needed to get off campus, and that I needed help. But after getting over myself and listening to my own needs, I was able to spend a day with her and my cousin and reset.
Later on in the semester, I learned that this lesson applied academically as well. My midterm grade in my Introduction to Sociology class was less than desirable, and I started going to my professor’s office hours to help improve my grade. I was so focused on proving that I was smart and capable of doing college coursework that I forgot that it was okay to ask for help. I learned not only that asking for help was a good thing, but also that my professor wanted her students to do so.
Now, I don’t hesitate to go to office hours when I have questions because I know that I am ultimately benefiting from getting the help and support. Whether it be calling my mom when I am staring blankly at a washing machine or going to a professor’s office hours because I didn’t understand the lecture, this year I felt the relief that comes from knowing that you don’t have to figure everything out by yourself.
Lesson 3: Do one thing a day that excites you or brings you joy
A few weeks into the spring semester, I FaceTimed one of my friends from middle school, telling her how my classes this semester were more challenging and I wasn’t sure if I was going to survive until spring break. She gave me a piece of advice that I’ve been using since then. Whether it be getting my nails done, getting takeout food, watching my favorite TV show or going for a walk, she told me to do one thing every day that I could look forward to.
Most recently, I’ve found a love for watercolor. I was initially drawn to it because it was something that wasn’t super time-consuming and it was easy for me to learn. Watercoloring allowed me to get back in touch with my artsy side and escape my stress through art. Being able to mix different colors and control how much water it takes to make a piece perfect fills me with content and joy. I started carving out time every day for myself, something that I had never done before going to college. I realized that doing things that I enjoy and that would bring me little kernels of happiness was something that I needed to prioritize to make it through the week.
Lesson 4: Put your own needs first
In high school, I had good grades and nearly perfect attendance. “No” was not a word that I could comfortably say—I never wanted to miss school or miss out on anything, even when that meant going to school with a migraine or doing something every day after school even though I was exhausted.
In college, I’ve learned that I need to listen to myself and my needs before I can attend to anything else. This year, I let myself get a grade that was less than perfect because I needed sleep. I let myself say “no” to a social gathering because my social battery was drained. I allowed myself to miss class because my body was saying no, rather than pushing myself past my limits. I needed to take care of myself because, for the first time in my life, I was on my own, and if I didn’t do it for myself, no one else was going to do it for me.
Lesson 5: Let go of expectations
“College will be the best four years of your life” is the slogan that I had drilled into my brain by my peers and social media when I first started at Oxy. I came into Oxy with so many expectations: I thought I would become a completely new person now that I was independent of my parents, didn’t have to deal with the growing pains of high school and moved to Southern California. I imagined that my first semester would be met with red solo cups and new friends.
When my first-year experience didn’t match this, I felt discouraged. Why aren’t I having the best time of my life? Why do I wish I was home? Will it always feel like this? The idea that I would reinvent myself when I moved away from home misled me and made me feel like I was being suffocated by the pressure of college. I’m still the same person who loves watching chick flicks and craves spending time with my family.
My first year of college wasn’t the best year of my life, and that’s okay. Through talking to my friends and family, I learned that the first year of college isn’t amazing for everyone, and that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Once I stopped putting pressure on myself to make my first year the best year of my life and instead just went with the flow, it felt like things started to fall more into place.
Contact Jameela Bowo at bowo@oxy.edu
