Author: Erik Parker, Torch Staff
I wish this wasn’t something that I’m proud of, but I am. One of my greatest skills is entertaining myself in desperately boring situations. My attention span is shorter than the newest iPod’s product life cycle, and my mind is as jumbled and as active as a contortionist on speed. This is why one of the great accomplishments of my high school years was perfecting the art of boredom management. Everyone’s done this to some extent, but I took it seriously and still do. If I have a particularly tedious lesson coming up, I plan for it. When I’m flying 15 straight hours to Australia to visit my family, you can bet I’m having fun every minute of the way.
Before I elaborate, I feel the need to issue a disclaimer of sorts, for parents and teachers: prepare to be very disappointed in me. I often do pay attention in class, I promise! The subject matter isn’t usually boring; it’s entirely my own fault that I can’t or don’t want to focus for more than half an hour and that my mind has its priorities all wrong. I don’t want anyone to think that I’m not listening and don’t appreciate the hours put into preparing a lecture and answering our questions. If I decide that I need to be attentive in class to further my education, I will. But sometimes, I feel like what we’re doing in class is not the way I want to learn the material—I will learn it but on my own terms. So professors, I apologize for not always liking your methods.
Returning to the critical subject at hand, I’m ready to reveal a few tricks of my trade. Maybe you’ve already developed your own boredom-mastering tactics or don’t want to stray from the path of righteous learning, but I implore you to at least try some of these surefire methods of self-entertainment. Not in class if you don’t want to, but perhaps if you’re just sitting around looking for something to do. I have fun implementing my boredom-conquering strategies, and I honestly believe that they inspire creativity and imagination and promote brain activity that is not entirely useless.
Let’s get some of the obvious ones out of the way first: Doodling . . . is for newbs. I’m not saying it’s not great—because it is—but too often it’s done without feeling, meaning or purpose. How about using a whole page of your notebook for an epic depiction of that squirrel who almost took a chunk out of your ear in front of the Marketplace? Or better yet, go beyond the paper lying on your desk. No, I’m not encouraging vandalism, I’m telling you to give yourself that ferocious, hardcore tattoo you’ve always wanted. Etch that bad boy right onto your arm!
Pens and stationary have other uses as well. I have a Tinkerbell pen that lights up and has feathers—it makes the simple, menial task of note-taking way more enjoyable. And remember those pens with little basketballs and basketball hoops and how with an awkward circular motion of the hand you’d try to get the ball in the hoop? Wow, I congratulate the maker of those. I haven’t actually seen one of those babies since the days of Chuck E. Cheese and birthday parties where we still got goody bags, but I bet this novelty item would get you through the last half hour of listening to that guest speaker you were conned into going to, or at least delay homework for 45 minutes or so. And hey, don’t forget pen tricks! You are one cool cat if you can raise your hand to comment on the Chomsky hierarchy as applied to compiler construction in computer science while nonchalantly twirling a pen around your fingers.
Alright, maybe the whole stationary angle doesn’t excite you, but I’ve got more ideas. This next one, while still related to pens (which apparently I just can’t stop talking about) is dedicated to developing your brain in interesting ways, and is something I aspire to do in life: be ambidextrous. Try taking notes (or perhaps you’d prefer crafting saucy love stories or gory battle sagas) with your non-dominant hand with the ultimate goal of having superb motor control of each hand. Imagine the day when someone accidentally gives you two pens instead of one and gestures to take one back but you give them a look that says “Hold on, partner” and with one pen in each hand, you masterfully write out all the lyrics to Bob Dylan’s “Hurricane” complete with a life size sketch of Dylan himself in six and a half minutes. You’ll be a hero.
Now my favorite way to defeat boredom is actually one of my all-time favorite activities. It’s an obvious one, but like with doodling, I recommend you hone this gracious skill. Of course, I’m talking about daydreaming. There are many ways to daydream, so I’ll just share one of my favorites. Put yourself in this scenario: you’re the best student this school has ever seen, and you’ve just finished your final exam in ten minutes flat, but so as not to disturb all your inferior peers, you’re not allowed to leave the classroom (unfair, right?) But the problem remains, what will you do for the next two hours? You are going to daydream, with style. Well, not that you’ll look good while you daydream because you probably won’t, but you’re going to challenge yourself and do it right, so follow my example.
I get the biggest kick out of imagining how the current boring situation could turn into the most ass-kicking day ever. For example, the teacher is lecturing, and turns to face the class. A certain glorious 90s song that everyone knows fills the air. All at once, in sync, everyone is doing the Macarena. Students are jumping around on desks, the lights go down and disco lights of all colors are bouncing around the classroom. Thanks to your dexterity at boredom management, your 10:30 class just kicked off the best day of your life.
With the aforementioned tools and techniques, I invite you to conquer your boredom in the name of the most superficial, childish forms of entertainment.
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