Author:
Dear Editor,
I want to apologize to the community as a whole for my Halloween costume this year. I had planned on being a scuba diver: a Heineken mini keg as my oxygen tank, the snorkel a beer bong. After getting drunk early on that night, I was looking for my goggles to complete the costume when, in the process, I found my dishdash and kufia, the arab dress and headscarf I bought in the middle east. I thought, “yes! this is my costume!” I passed off my keg to my roommate Eric, who was eager to dispense beer all night from his wetsuit. I went around that night dressed as “an Arab.” I didn’t see it at the time, but this was derogatory, racist, and wrong.
I think this experience can help shed light on our recent grapplings with race. I had absolutely no intention of being racist that night. My thought process as a whole came to “sweet, I’ll get to show off my coolness for having studied abroad in Jordan.” And I did study abroad in Jordan. I lived with an Arab family. I bought that kufia in Damascus. I ate in people’s homes in the West Bank. I should have known better. But somehow, I didn’t. I think this is instructive for both “sides” of the debate here at Oxy. When we point fingers and accuse people of being secretly racist it hurts the cause we fight for. Just as I was unable to see that my costume was racist, most acts of racism at Oxy are unintentional. We all reflect the trends of society at large. If you are benefiting from the power structure, how can you see when your speech and your actions reinforce that structure? There is seldom an instance that makes you feel put out, makes you reassess, makes you more aware. So many just don’t become aware. Not because they’re secretly racist, but because nothing has ever happened to make us actually feel what racism really is.
This is another lesson from my Halloween experience: you can be racist without knowing it. I learned this at MSI and it was really difficult for me to get a handle on it. Being a white middle-class male, I wanted to believe that I was different, that I had grown more thoughtful than the previous generation. I do not support racism. I came to realize though, that racism is not an idea that we take sides on, either for or against. But rather, racism is an experience. It affects daily life over a lifetime. It impinges on hopes and dreams. As a white man, I will simply never experience racism as a black man will. It is absolutely impossible for me to do so. This is a painful realization. But there is literally nothing I can do or think that will get me to understand the full meaning of racism. I remember the day I realized this. I felt powerless. All I could do was shut up and listen.
If I don’t truly have access to understanding racism then how can I detect when my actions are racist? I think the painfully real answer is that for the most part you can’t. You have to be shown. When Sammy confronted me about my costume he did just the right thing. He didn’t attack me. He didn’t yell at me. He calmly told me that me dressing as an Arab hurt him. It made him feel bad. My first mental reaction was “Ah it wasn’t like that, it wasn’t a big deal. You’re blowing things out of proportion.” But then I remembered I wasn’t in his shoes. For him it was like that, it was a big deal. It didn’t matter what I thought or what I intended. It mattered what he thought and what he felt. I had to listen to him. As long as I thought “no, I know what racism is, it’s not me,” I was effectively being racist even though I had no intention of it.
Most people come to Oxy because they actively want to work for social justice. There are more allies than it would seem. That’s why when people get called racist “white folk”, it hurts. We feel excluded and write letters about Pauley. But at the same time, we also need to recognize that privilege exists and it is blinding. I had to listen to Sammy to be able to realize “you know what? He’s right.” I was racist and I’m sorry for it. I just hope that my mistake can help all of us become slower at drawing conclusions and imputing motives. I truly believe that we can all grow by listening to each other more deeply. Thich Nhat Hanh writes that this means “listening without reacting, without judging and blaming.” When we do this we support each other. We share and experience one another. This already exists at Oxy. All we have to do is nurture it.
– Noah Glusenkamp, senior, Religious Studies
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