It’s that time of year again! Birds are chirping, chipmunks are frolicking and you’re ready for some rejuvenating spring cleaning. While the wonderful weather and blooming flora outside have you itching to de-clutter, it can be hard to know where to start. Here are a few simple yet satisfying tips for making your living spaces as dazzling as the sun outside your open window:
• Get your head in the game! Set the mood. Go ahead and indulge in whatever your special treat is: turn on some fun Vampire Weekend tunes, invite a friend over or light that special candle you’ve been saving for such an occasion. Move those hips. Wow, doesn’t that candle smell great? What a good call, lighting that candle with a match. Retro.
• Prioritize and organize! Set out a few specific piles to sort things into, so you can visualize what categories of things you’re dealing with. Some possible categories are “sentimental,” “business affairs,” “clothing” and “flammable,” but feel free to decide on your own.
• If it’s just there for show, it’s got to go! By now, you’ve certainly noticed that you have a lot of miscellaneous papers and junk lying around. The good news is, those are the easiest and quickest to get rid of! Gather together the old birthday cards, newspaper clippings, torn-up rags and maybe a few other dry, moisture-less things just for good measure. These can go — Auf Wiedersehen! A trip to the recycling bin should do the trick, but on second thought, wouldn’t it be best to just have these things completely gone, out of the way? Take the matches you used for the candle, drop one on your pile and watch that flame go. Just going. Rising up and up. Tongues of flame spreading out over every item…
Okay great! That took care of that pile, now keep on cleaning!
• Tying up loose ends! With the sound of children playing outside in the springtime and a lovely breeze carrying a slightly charred smell past your nose, you’re in good shape. Looking especially good with your various piles sorted out, but there seems to be some sort of itch that still needs scratching, and vacuuming the floor doesn’t seem to be doing it.
It’s only a short drive to the old abandoned grain silo on the outskirts of town. Yes, that’ll do. Load all the trash into your car, and grab that lighter fluid you’ve been hanging onto as well, it’s not like anyone was using the grain silo either. Drive. Drive. Drive. Everything useless burning up now: old mailers, damaged cookbooks, an agricultural structure that no one has been anywhere near since 1940. Perfect.
What a productive day! You managed to both get your home looking spiffy again, and discover a long-suppressed love of arson! Spring truly is a magnificent time of year.
I love you Sam Page