You do it. I do it. Oxy does it. We cling to Obama like we cling to and consume Boba at alarming rates. Erecting shrines in his name, our admiration for Obama takes on a sort of religious reverence. Just consider it all for a second: the pamphlet of the Obama Walking Tour, the memorial in front of Haines, the boom of new students after his election.
Oxy’s collective worship for Obama might seem a bit excessive. He didn’t even graduate from here; for all we know, he transferred because he hated this place. Maybe we’re grasping at the past too much. Maybe we need to move on. But I’m not here to advocate for “moving on”, and I’m not one to discourage unhealthy obsessions. No, I encourage them! Obama is our pride and joy. Our claim to fame. If it weren’t for him, we’d have no way to convince people we don’t attend a dentistry school or community college (I could write a whole other article on that dentist school matter). Moreover, this country’s last true democratic leader attended this fine establishment! Not all academic institutions can boast such an accomplishment!
And to the Oxy community, Obama is much more than a mere claim to fame. After all, we do not worship Ben Affleck or Emily Osment the way we worship Obama. The former President serves as a major source of inspiration for many at Oxy and the world at large. And I’d say there is something motivating about the notion that Oxy planted those first seeds of inspiration in Obama. As David Maraniss writes in Barack Obama: The Story, Oxy “was where, in anticipation of that still uncharted journey, he felt the first stirrings of destiny, a sense, he told friends, that he was brought into this world for a purpose.” In my humble opinion, that’s pretty dope. Our small, liberal arts (dentist?) school was the catalyst for Obama’s interest in and passion for community organizing and politics.
Let this inspire you, friends! Obama’s spirit still lives on this campus, and within us all! I hear that if you smoke a joint in his old dorm (Room A103 in Haines), his stoner spirit will manifest out of the smoke to bless you with dank weed and political motivation. He’ll inspire you to do campaign semester or show up at your local DACA protest. “Yes we can,” he declares.
“Yes we can!” you repeat in all your starry-eyed awe. Briefly you wonder if you’re on some wild trip. But I’m here to reassure you that yes; you truly have summoned the spirit of Obama’s Past. He is here for you! To bestow on you all that high political and life wisdom. Just remember the words: Yes we can!
Can you ask that cute girl on a date? Yes we can! (I mean, how do you think he got Michelle? The man’s got game.)
Can you run (unopposed) for student government? Yes we can!
Can I write this article? Yes (I hope) we can!
Obama’s stoner spirit shall be the force that guides you through your days at Oxy and beyond. Let us unite in our unhealthy obsession with Obama! Instead of spending money to get air conditioning for the dorms, let’s actually put school funds to good use and erect a 10 foot tall monument, depicting a chiseled Obama, galloping on a Bengal tiger, flying the Oxy flag right alongside the American one.
Yes we can!
Yes we can!
Yes we can!
(Note: This article in no way encourages the consumption of marijuana. Stay away from the Devil’s Lettuce folks.)