Sophomore year, Feb. 24, 2023, 3:37 a.m., I laid in my bed in Berkus Hall and wrote in my journal:
“I love lacrosse…I still feel scared to play in games but I know I’m getting better & I’m having fun.”
Looking back now as a senior about to graduate, nothing has changed — and yet, everything has. Still, no experience challenged me, helped me grow or brought me as much fun as lacrosse has in these past four years.
When I first stepped onto Patterson Field in 2021, I was excited. The past nine years of driving hours to lacrosse tournaments, playing literally every position and overcoming two ACL surgeries was finally paying off. Right away, my new teammates became my closest friends. The 22 of us were led by six resilient and compassionate seniors; Bella Litt ’22 quickly showed me that class hierarchies don’t exist on this team, treating the awkward first-year me as a normal friend. After I won Writer of the Week in my first time writing for The Occidental, Bella cut out my article, put it in a picture frame and gifted to me. A truly lifelong friend and mentor, Haley Jones ’22 took me to my first newspaper pitch meeting, lifted with me three times a week and held my hand through coaching frustrations and crush advice.
But the fun that came from fall practices took a quick turn come the start of the season that following spring. March 2, 2022, I shivered on the sidelines and watched us lose our first game in heartbreaking fashion as the other team screamed and jumped for joy every time they scored a goal. The season continued to bring heartbreak after heartbreak as we salvaged an 8–9 record. Pulled immediately after every mistake, I began to play scared — afraid to drop the ball or miss a pass from a teammate. “Why can’t you catch?” My old coach once asked me after taking me out of a game. I continued to ask myself that question for the next four years.
When I think about what kept me playing, it was jotted down right there in my journal: the love of the game, the push and growth it gives me and having fun with my best friends. We take the field together every single day; no matter our differences, we all play for the same team and same goal. Teammates come and go, but we’ve all been able to share experiences and memories no one else has.
I won’t forget when I came back from abroad and my first impression of Kelly was her smoking me in conditioning. I won’t forget how Ellie Einstein “hyped me up” before games in the locker room during the team chants. I won’t forget my handshake with Ella Acker. I won’t forget the steak and eggs breakfasts I would share with OB in the Cooler after morning lift. I won’t forget Liv and I’s nicknames for one another. I won’t forget Maeve’s perfect goal in overtime against Chapman or seeing her reactions after I score. I won’t forget that time Evie literally caught someone’s shot in a game (she’s a defender). I won’t forget the fact that Abbie never used her “Get Out of Conditioning” pass that she won. I won’t forget Ellie Mahoney and I getting COVID-19, quarantining together and masking up to cheer on the team from the stands. I won’t forget Ava’s hugs. I won’t forget Emily’s iconic pink-and-blue socks and hype high-fives. I won’t forget the fact that Callie learned how to do the worm in order to bust it out as a goal celebration. I won’t forget the way that Dylan naturally uses a lacrosse stick as if it’s an extension of her arms. I won’t forget Sydney crying every senior day (are you crying reading this Syd?). I won’t forget that the first time I ever heard Ashley talk was to say, “Does anyone know where I can find a basketball?” I won’t forget when Peyton and I tried (successfully!) to take apart my lacrosse stick for 30 minutes. I won’t forget giving Charlotte a tour of campus when she was a junior in high school. I won’t forget how every time we took a fitness test, Skog beat all of us by a mile. I won’t forget getting protein shakes with Tirzah after every lift. I won’t forget Grace and I running from practice to dinner to K-Tigers every Tuesday night. And I won’t forget Andie stuffing my shots when I need to be humbled.
Not only have my teammates pushed me to be the best version of myself, but I certainly wouldn’t be where I am today without the one and only Coach CC ’18 (who is also Occidental lacrosse’s program goals and points leader, no big deal). My junior year, her first year as Oxy’s head coach, I don’t think there was a single time when I met with her in her office and didn’t end up crying. Over time, CC has helped me come into, and solidify, my identity as an athlete and a member of this team. Thanks to her coaching and guidance, I believe that I’ve grown tremendously as an athlete and as a person. Coach Boz has also empowered me; when I lost faith in myself, he never did.
The “scared” feeling I wrote about two years ago never really left — but what it means for me to be “scared” has certainly evolved from my first year to now. Being scared to be passed the ball has turned into a welcome pressure of capitalizing on every opportunity I am given. In a much-needed pep talk from my friend Christian on the day of my last first collegiate lacrosse game, he reminded me that there’s no other situation I’d rather be in than the one I’m in every day: the privilege to play in high-pressure games, compete with tough opponents and be given chances to contribute to the success of this team.
To be a part of something so special, to participate in something so transformative, to be able to play the sport that I love every day, to have people to love, to have people who support you and, of course, to believe in myself — boy, am I grateful.
Contact Emma Cho at echo2@oxy.edu
