It was a crisp fall morning, about two years ago. The leaves were starting to change to a darker orange shade. My friends and I had the brilliant idea of getting up early and going to IHOP. As they were debating which pancake would be the best option, I was in my own world, observing the restaurant. I saw a family with kids who had just finished a soccer game and couples smiling while eating breakfast together. But what caught my attention were the people sitting to our right. Next to us was an older woman and a much younger girl, who I assumed was her granddaughter. As the older woman was eating, the girl was aimlessly scrolling through her phone, paying no attention to the environment around her, let alone the woman she was with.
Having lost my grandmother a couple years earlier, I couldn’t help but resent the girl for being on her phone. I kept thinking: if I were in her place, I’d forget my phone was even with me, and be distracted by the endless questions I would ask my grandmother about who she was as a person. Our phones have derailed us from wanting to connect with those around us — at what point did we accept that our phones have a place at the table?
I look around my everyday life, and see kids on their phones instead of running around playing make-believe at a park. I see couples sitting next to one another absorbed in their phones instead of each other. I’m also guilty of this lingering disconnect. I think back to times that I’ve ‘doom scrolled’ through TikTok at sleepovers, or looked at Instagram at lunch instead of asking the people around me questions. It scares me. Will we all come to regret it later, or do we even realize it’s happening?
I like to think we live in a kind world. Yes, we see the bad more often than the good, but I believe there is an underlying goodness in people. What leaves me to believe this is the ability that we have to connect and empathize with others. When a kid falls riding a bike, or an older adult has trouble walking across the street, it’s normal to want to help them. But, I do fear that phones and social media can potentially derail us from that connection.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. Empathizing with one another stems from having shared a similar experience. However, with technology increasing, resulting in the elimination of deep interactions with others, are we as a society starting to lack empathy?
Technology has created a sense of imbalance when it comes to sympathizing and empathizing with others. Thinking back to a time when social media did not exist, we seemed to share empathy with our neighbors or groups of people that were a part of our small circles. As technology has progressed it has allowed us to connect with people across the globe, rather than the immediate people we see at school, work, etc. Which, in all fairness, is a gift. Without technology I wouldn’t be able to hear about my long distance best friends’ day over a Snapchat video, or be able to call my mom any given moment. There would be fewer videos and less awareness of the war in Gaza or ICE raids in a grocery store. Having access to these types of videos is incredibly important and should exist. Still, it leads me to believe that it’s created a sense of sympathy for those people rather than empathizing for them. Since they are not our next door neighbors, or people within our social circle, there’s a sense of disconnect that is necessary when wanting to empathize with another person.
Looking around Occidental, I observe a lot of doom scrolling, but I also see genuine connections. At this time in my life, I have come to terms with the fact that technology will continue to be an intrinsic part of it. Although I may not fully support that idea, I have realized that college is an experience that forces us to become more comfortable interacting with one another and making genuine connections. There is a beauty in connecting with another person I hope no one takes advantage of. Connection leads to loving, and loving leads to empathizing. I don’t necessarily mean that talking to another person one time leads to that connection. Still, I do think that looking up from our phones could lead to a brief interaction, that could eventually lead to a friendship, where love, trust and empathy thrives.
Yes, technology has brought us so many connections around the world. It’s allowed me to stay connected with all my family and friends from home. I feel updated on what the latest trend is, and what I should and should not wear this fall. It’s given me academic resources, and honestly, I wouldn’t be able to write this article without Google Docs on my computer. Despite all of the benefits that technology has brought the world, there are quite a few negatives; making connections and empathizing with another person has become more difficult.
Thinking back to that little girl who was on her phone at IHOP a couple years ago: if you find yourself to be that little girl, I strongly encourage you to look at the person sitting across from you, and connect. Empathizing is a gift, and technology can easily rob any individual of feeling it.
Contact Brynn Begley at begley@oxy.edu
